The Chipped Plate

There’s a chipped plate in my cupboard, I can’t throw it out. Neither can anyone else in the immediate family, although I don’t recall us ever saying to each other “ don’t throw out that plate’’. It’s been there 7.5 years, since Ben died, at 19 years. Actually, it’s been there longer than that and that’s why we can’t throw it out.

We remember a random evening, when he was still with us, having supper like any other day. We lined up to grab a plate and he got uncharacteristically irritated, “Why do I always get the damn chipped plate’’ he said. So many conversations, so many interactions over the years, but for some reason that random comment stays in our mind. It didn’t get thrown out then and then after he died, we simply can’t throw it out. It reminds us of him, it’s so tangible, you can hold it, wash it, eat off it. We remember of course so many other characteristics of him, his great sense of humour, his ease in talking to people, his winning smile, his easy going ways… it’s odd that the plate got stuck in our psyche, but it did. Same as his Netflix account, we can’t delete his profile. I have heard from other bereaved people of random unexpected things that they can’t let go of, that reminds them of their loved one. It’s common. It’s normal. I believe it’s even necessary. We need to be assured that they existed, that they lived, that they were here with us.

Of course, we’ve had to throw out some of his belongings, saving some favorite sweaters, watches, books etc, the usual things one would think of as keepsakes. Who would have ever thought a chipped plate would be of any significance. Those who knew him, could see him shaking his head at this choice of ours and laughing loudly.

There’s no right or wrong when dealing with your loved one’s belongings.